STOP YELLING: Understand Kids

Posted on Posted in Parenting Tips

Stop yelling, start loving kids!

“Looking at my kid making a mess of those cheeselings throughout the room, just made me forget of my basic etiquettes. I shouted at the top of my voice and my kid reciprocated that, not agreeing to listen and stop the mess. I couldn’t stop myself yelling at him. Feeling guilty later on of scolding him, he settled to something else very soon. But then, he was angry with me for the rest of the day. I was remorseful later that day but then…..!!! Similar days pass by many times a week and we just end up feeling tired, pissed of, unable to know “How to deal with”.

Stop yelling start understanding

I believe that could be the short story of most of the parents. Parenthood is a real test of patience, self -manners and being tactic. Let’s get on to read something very interesting and of utmost importance in our and our kids lives.

Stop Yelling at Kids! Build Interests!!

We’re all born and blessed with a unique trait, which grows (if given an opportunity) and lives throughout our life. Same stands true for our little bundle of joys. They are unique in their own being. They have their own love and interests which grow and develop with time. If given an opportunity at the right time with right direction, their passion will undoubtedly make them a mature and better professional. We as a parent should understand and respect this, which will help us in guiding and nurturing them as they mature.

Instead of yelling while a mess is being created, why not indulge in something creative of that mess? So with those cheeselings spread across the room(as such couldn’t be eaten),  why not just made a teddy with your baby. He will be happy and while doing make him understand not to repeat it, else this teddy will become angry. And you’ll see he will promise you never to do it! Smiling, clean the mess :). Deal such moments with fun and learning instead of ending up with shouting and banging your head!

Don’t shout or scream at kids for something “Unexpected”:

Try changing your behaviour and initiate the same with “Observing” your kids.

1. Observe: Keep a check by observing their consistent behaviour, the way they talk, react and express. Look at their developing interests, likes and dislikes. Some may be acceptable and progressive which needs to be promoted and others which aren’t, need to be worked upon.

2. Take a look around, what all things he/she is indulging in. Who all people & friends he is interacting with, not to forget, you are one of them. The roots of most of the unacceptable behaviour in kids lies here only. When kids go not get time from their parents, they seek for it from others or sometimes just live in by themselves. They forget to speak out their minds. Giving ample amount of your quality time, talking and listening will solve many of their problems and grow them to be sensible. At the same time, it will help build a strong bond.

3. Question: Asking open ended questions will help relieve many issues running inside a child’s brain. Reassuring and encouraging them on and off will boost their confidence and positive outlook. But beware not to overdo, as constantly praising them, no matter what, will only handicap them to deal with criticism and failure.

4. Be diplomatic: Try never to sound too low or show sudden anger at their questions. A child’s brain is processing so much looking at the surroundings. Home, School, Friends, Play time, all teach him different things and manners. Some can be positive and some negative too. You can’t put a full stop on not allowing your child a play time(park) if he develops some bad habit with his friends there.

Even if a child asks something he shouldn’t, try answering him in a polite manner that it could be not of his concern.

Try taking his changing habits in a better manner. Wean off those “Bad” things or learnings in a gradual manner by trying to change surroundings/ explaining with examples. Give your ample time to listen your kids mind and heart out. Taking help of teachers and elders also matter a lot.

5. Support and promote innate qualities: Leave no stone unturned in improving his god gifted skills which will further build his confidence. A child cannot excel in everything, not always the one you fancy. Understand his bent of mind and ability, then polish him accordingly.

Imposing your interests and expectations on your child might land him up in not so favourable place. You never know, a child may come up with a smarter idea. Love and respect them as an individual and see them grow and become an independent soul.

6. A parent should be aware of not just ‘what he says’ but ‘how he says’. The way things are said leave a lasting impression and affects not just the present behaviour of kids but also how they react to situations in future. Continued exposure to a particular type of behaviour will lead to their brains being hard wired in the same way. Using positive tone and positive statements will lead to positive reactions.

Our kids grow in our image so we have to parent them with utmost care. Screaming at them will do no good to them or to us, rather make them more rebellious and resentful.

An experiment got successful : “SAY NO to yelling at kids”

Words of my sister “God has gifted me with amazing 2 kids. But along with the pleasure of looking them grow, every step of motherhood has posed me with numerous challenges. God has tested me as a parent, as a human. I’ve myself tried to raise the bar and change my personality traits to help them grow better as humans.

I tried challenging myself not to shout at my kids, for around a month. It was indeed highly difficult to practise for initial few days, when I just lost my temper. Only to be reminded few moments later of the practise match. But finally I did that and sharing the points I extracted while this experiment.

  1. Lower down expectations: After all Kids are kids! We can’t expect them to be elders with enough maturity even at the age of 4 or at 10. “Trying to control kids all the time will leave them, as well as us frustrated. Similar to an adult they too have a bad hair day, when they are fussy and difficult, they refuse to listen to you”. But then we need to watch our expectations as they are still learning, growing and figuring out how to handle things independently.
  2. Change Approach: When they refuse to listen, better take a different approach. Instead of yelling, regain composure, walk away, take a deep breath and come back with a smile. Make them sit down calmly and explain them the things earnestly. See how well they resort to you”. There can be some really sweet and incredible moments in your lap when you are at peace with your child and he speaks up his heart. It isn’t possible at all if you are squalling at them, believe me.
  3. Control Yourself: Most of the time the trigger to yell, is not the kids, but you yourself. “Either we face a fight in office or at home, or are exhausted, or are struggling to complete a to-do list. Whatever may be the reason, we have to remind ourselves, “C’on, it’s a bad hair day, lull! Its okay to not be perfect.” It works really well to keep yells at bay”. Do we yell at our kids in public? NO, cause we know we are being judged. But then understand, who are the one we want to be judged by? Isn’t it our own kids. Don’t we want a ‘Best MOM’ tag from our munchkins. Just let them bask in mom’s & dads love.
  4. It overall feels awesome, when we are not yelling. She says,“I go to bed feeling contented, happy and guilt-free. Wake up more confident to parent my kids lovingly and patiently. My kids too are calmer, with lesser meltdowns. They are more vocal and tell quite often, “We love u mom! You are world’s best mommy.” And the resonance just betters off everywhere. Happy at work and contended with all we face everyday!

That’s what we need. Don’t you all agree with me?

The experiment was a huge personal success, for me, my kids and yes I really practise “No Yelling” to them. I have forgone the phrases of  Screaming or shouting at kids. Gone are the days when my screamy behaviour used to make them reciprocate similarly on many instances. After all what they see is what they learn. That has actually made my life more composed and my kids are turning out to be polite and confident beings. – My sister narrates.

Parents, this advice and practise indeed calls a replication! “COPY WITH PRIDE HERE” and rejoice the fun of being loving. Yes control wrong behaviours, do not loosen the strings there. The only thing which has changed is “Dealing”. Opt to an “interactive approach”. Have an “Explanatory story on the table”. Think there are thousands of people around and you have to correct your kids behaviour. Go for a “Friendly deal” and have the bun for yourself:)

Enjoy Loving and Forget yelling!

Thanking my sis for the excerpt!

If you just plan to read introducing Drawing & painting for your baby, its right here!

65 thoughts on “STOP YELLING: Understand Kids

  1. I have two step children and I’ve noticed they respond to adults so much better when you speak calmly to them rather than losing your temper. It helps they are really good kids to begin with 🙂

  2. I’m not a mother, but it makes sense that by speaking calmly with children may go better than screaming. I’ve watched parents treat their little ones like young adults and it works wonder.

  3. I used to live with my nephew and niece and they were and still are very loud and messy 🙂 but I never yelled at them for something that they did unintentionally.

  4. I remember one of my aunties used to be the yelling kind when we were small. Seems need to share post with her for improvisation 🙂

  5. wow if I don’t yell my daughter wont do anything, it is overwhelming and makes me feel like I am failing as a parent. She has attitude afraid of her father but me she treats me like a friend.

  6. This is such a wonderful and inspirational piece for moms everywhere to understand what it is to control their anger. I’m still learning, and I’m grateful for other moms who understand what it is to have to take a breather from time to time.

  7. These are really great points and tips. I am a yeller by nature. Not necessarily yelling at people but I have loud reactions to things. I’ve noticed my son does as well. My whole life I tried to stifle my “yelling” because people always made me feel bad about it. As an adult, I have come to embrace who I am. I’m loud. And that’s ok. However, when it comes to parenting my goal is to never disrespect or shame my son. I realize that sometimes my knee jerk reactions can make him feel bad about himself when there really is no need for that. So, while I’d like to think I would never yell *at* my child I am very aware of my responses to situations and how they are perceived. I will have go try these!

    1. Great Inez, the best part is you have acknowledged the fact! But then kids do what they see until they become mature enough, n that I saw with my own 2.5year old kid. He behaved the way I did & hence I did use these tips to make me patient & they worked out! Even I was loud but have become calm just for my baby:)

  8. This is a great piece. I love the ideas of offering them open-ended questions… Very nice point. Have you heard of non-violent communication… It’s totally in line with what you’re saying 🙂

  9. I struggle with this more than I want to admit. But I am trying to work on it. I know it doesn’t help in anyway. Thanks for the great tips.

  10. I struggle with this more than I want to admit. But I am trying to work on it, while I don’t have kids I do have an issue in general with people. I really enjoyed this. and hope I can apply this when I have kids

  11. Parenting is a tough job! One have to change thinking completely to raise a child. These are incredible tips and very helpful to understand children.

  12. This is a post I am bookmarking for future reference. I find that I have been screaming about later atound my ouse more to the extent that it’s out of place and both my husband and daughter find it hillarious, what can I say, I’m stressed. I hope this post will help me work at it. Thank you.

  13. I avoid yelling on my nephew because I do not think that it will have any positive outcome, but I have to admit that sometimes he really pushes my buttons.

  14. This is such a great post Jhilmil. I have two kids – a toddler and an infant and I am always on the edge of losing it. I have to keep a strong hold on myself from yelling at the elder one. Sometimes it’s sleeplessness and sometimes it’s frustration. Will try and bring your suggestions in practice.

    1. Ya , most of the times, its our issues which make us yell at them.. Kids will be kids & we need to let some things just pass on with an “OKAY”! Thanks for stopping by:)

  15. right on point. i have also realised that rather than yelling at kids, talking to them actually goes a long way. i feel it also improves the relationship you have with your kids.

  16. I admit, I yell. I’m working on it. I don’t yell right away, but if no one is listening, I go there and it gets results.

  17. I try very hard not to yell at my kids, but sometimes I fail. But you are right, observing and being diplomatic is a much better way. We get more respect from our kids by treating them with the same respect we expect from them.

  18. You are right that we want the “good mom stamp” from our kids. We need to make sure our anger isn’t what they are remembering most.

  19. Hats off to those parents who manages their sanity in front of their kids! I have an annoying nephew and I’ve seen my sister struggling to discipline him. Sometimes she looses and just can’t help! Though it gives her a quick result and my nephew turns sober for few hours…lol!

  20. I definitely agree about not yelling or screaming on kids. It is not the right way to discipline your kids. Giving them explanations is far better that screaming at them. You just listed what are the right things to do.

  21. I think open ended questions are a great thing. But sometimes even that does not work. You have to encourage your kids to explore outside of their comfort zones.

    1. Ya, they have to be pushed out of their comfort zones for sure to let them exlplore.. they might fall but then that’s how they’ll understand for sure!

  22. Great article. Well written. Talking to children in a softer voice helps more than yelling. However, parents shouldn’t forget to correct them when they are wrong.

  23. Growing up I was always scared of being open with my mum about certain things because I had the fear of her shouting at me. This created a massive wedge between us. EVentually I started hiding things from her because I was too scared I was going to get told off.

    A very important and relative article <3

    http://www.nmdiaries.com

  24. This is great advice. I don’t have children so I’ve yet to have to confront how I’ll behave when they’re unruly. However, yellowing at other adults seldom yields favorable results so it probably is the same with kids.

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