Heart was sinking..Bidding Goodbye
Moment of sudden pause! Train whistle blowing louder & louder. Someone waving from the coach & asking me to run & enter the train…my precious baby was smiling looking at me. But my heart began thumping & pounding…A heavy heart, deep in pain & with tears in eyes. I felt what if this train passed on like the roaring wind besides me & I would be here forever, forever within the concealment & heaven of “Mom n Dad. But the tome to bid them Goodbye had come.
No matter what others mean to me, but the pain to leave them, the sadness to not see them again for few months goes unnerving from within.
The remains of yummy “Kabooli” pertinent in the taste buds;
Laughs shared & Jokes cracked on the dinner table;
The memories of Mom keeping “mannats” for good happenings in our lives;
Dad re-living his childhood with his newly born grandson;
The delight to see lavish delicacies in front of your eyes with just a single word “Hunger” going in their ears;
Indeed their love is an unconditional, which had made me speechless when the day to bid them goodbye came!
[These beautiful months (6 months) came in my life almost after 4.5 odd years post my marriage & 5 years of my higher education, when I was expecting my first baby. After approx.9 long years had I got this magnificent time of 6 months to be with them..]
Getting Lost in Childhood memories!
Lost in the memories, I could see my husband running down the coach & pulling me along..Completely absent in these thoughts, I just waved them Good bye, as they smiled & showered their good luck for my 4 month old kid.
Re-gaining my senses, I couldn’t stop my tear glands & cried for some 10-12 minutes un-consolably. But in the entire life, had it been those strenuous medical & administrative examinations; Marriage; birthing a baby..It seemed that all past happenings were of a far lesser magnitude compared to this day, when once again I lost my childhood. I lost my ways to be “knowingly irresponsible”; And forgot my path to be a demanding & a naughty child; I lost..I just lost so many things :(.The aching heart swelled up!! With deep sigh, I sat in the train itself to write down this letter for my parents, who are God for me!
Couldn’t control my Pen to scribble!
“Ma –Papa , is there something else called GOD? Or it is the synonym of “Parents? Can worshipping GOD be better than taking care of you? Will going to a temple to find solace be better than a sleep in “mother’s lap”? Can asking God to fulfil wish be better than asking Dad to get that wish? I believe ,the answer to all these is a big “No”.
For me ,the past few months I’ve spent with you were the greatest, preeminent & the most magnificent time of my entire life I’ve led. God gave me this grace to spend so much time after education & marriage under your shelter, to re-live & be a child once again. I got to live being a daughter to you once again. Why is it that a daughter has to leave her parents & go away from them just because of a word in the oxford, so called “Marriage”?
My heart sinks; my eyes cry & mind spills of every relation thinking of this! I could just die of thinking, that why do we have to leave our God’s? They were the ones, who made us what we are today. They are the ones who cared & loved us the most, who did the maximum sacrifices to see us giggle, who ran from pillar to post to see a broad grin on our face. I just want to join hands & pray that one day somehow I could just return back to you, to be with you, to care for you & to love you forever!
I would think myself credible enough if I could pass on the legacy of love showered by you to our children. If I could pass on the same “Sanskaras” to be a great human to the next generation. Sometimes I feel that how much I do, I could never ever shower 100% of your love & care to our children, the struggles & sacrifices you did for us!
Ma-Papa ,I have again learnt so many things from you in these 6 months of stay, I assure you that I will try to imbibe them in life thoroughly to be happy & contented with what so ever we have today. Agree, trying to be a pampered child did make me do something unexpected of a mature child. Some things might have even hurt you, for which today with a deep heart, I do say Sorry to you. I can never be happy making you sad!!
It’s true that I can never shower off your giving’s, I can never equate myself to you. But I would be very happy even if I could be half of what you both have been to me! We were your sons, before & even today. You will never find the loss of support or absence of love in any of your phases of life. We would always try to react & bring smile to your faces even before you speak & share your dilemma’s. We are your part and your “Ansh”, just remember us & we’ll be there besides you leaving all in this life, to love you, to care for you.
There is no bigger gift of life anyone can shower upon except the gift of our “Parents”. You always thought & worked for us, You always earned to make us happy. But now, we are settled enough. I ask both of you to spend some quality time together. Now is the time that you reap the benefits you have adorned life long, Live life just for yourselves now !
I pray to God to give you both a long, healthy & a hearty life.. Miss you both lots & lots & lots!! Goodbye”.
Time for a GoodBye!
Train had crossed its 1st station & night had fallen…My baby had slept off; Co-passengers had switched off the lights, everybody were on their berths. I closed my Pen, folded the letter & kept in my purse & went to sleep re-dreaming of beautiful pages just turned around in my life !!