Parents Zone

The dilemma of One child or more?

Dilemma of one child or more

It’s difficult, really very challenging to decide..one kid or more kids? The perspective varies so much. Me being a working mother, staying away from the family due to our work commitments feel this so debatable. It’s all on me and my husband to look after the house, work, our kid. This makes the ride tough and day by day it is getting tougher to decide.

This subject has diverse opinions, with as many people you speak to, you get varied thoughts but all seems convincing. And hence the queue of confusion begins. The final binding opinion is for sure a personal choice, but I have kept this post open for discussion from all the fellow mamas and daddy’s.

Mixed opinions whether to have one or more kids?

Better development?

Every time I hear from my mom that it is must to have 2 kids, so that they can have sibling love. The development goes healthier and more progressive. But I question, then what was wrong with the 1st child? Didn’t he get to be more progressive one?

Sibling Love ?

I have seen siblings drifting apart once they get mature and tracing their own individual paths. It is just to say that they are siblings. I really fear that. I think, kids can during their course of life make such friends who are more than sibling to them. Does only blood relations matter?

More Social ?

Yes, 2nd or 3rd kid may be more social than the 1st one. But is sociality directly proportional to no.of kids? As of now, I have one kid and we have left no stone unturned to make him social. Agree, he took little long, but as he reaches 3 years now, I find him way too social. He loves interacting with one an all, even the unknown people smiling at him.

Managing Finances ?

Metro cities are too costly than what people back at home think. Every penny counts. Child has to have a competitive education, Medication plans, extracurricular developments, maintenance of a standard lifestyle. There can be no compromises on the games, daily requisites, foods, health and so many other things. Schooling and medication specially is so costly. I have experienced that Pre schools are costlier than the formal ones. And yes, all parents want the best medical facilities for a family and more so for their child. Managing Finances seem really a big hurdle in this thought.

Parent’s love?

Then we need that a child should get all of mother’s and father’s love. If mama quits her job, how can just daddy bear so much responsibility of earning? There has to be a balance to get that family life. Both have to earn, either from home or at corporates along with rearing a child the best possible way. We can not always be the best, but we all try to be the best for our child.

A friend at home?

Due to generation gap between parents and kids, it is true that siblings bond much better together. They can discuss issues openly with each other. An elder sibling usually becomes mentor or guide to the younger one.[This is what happened with me personally]. But, I have seen many sibling’s love gets crewed up, full of jealously, comparisons, complexes as well. What then?

Age factor of Mama?

I’ve seen so many high risk pregnancies. I really fear, since complications increase with the age. Those factors leads to undue mental stress and agonies. And that too with a kid at home, waiting to be hugged. The uncertainty of disorders in the neonatal baby also frightens me a lot. In India, the society yet doesn’t accepts much, hence the fear doesn’t gets grounded.

My thought :

I am for sure perplexed of the thought of having own 2nd child. But I think even if someday we tap that we want to have more kids, I would rather think to adopt an orphan. Somebody, who has not been so lucky to get parents love. There are so many kids, beautiful and adorable waiting to land in a mother’s lap, to hug someone they can call parents, and to play with someone called as siblings. Every child is a gift of love full of innocence and purity. Why not complete the family and have a good deed ticked in our lives. What can be more than to give your heart away to a child who is yet to know what love means.

I would seriously request my readers to share their personal thoughts and opinions on this subject matter. I’m also running a poll for this, the results of which will be updated on this site only.

Click here to answer the poll.

Hoping to hear from you all in comments section as well as in poll! Till then, cheers to all the Parents!

Dilemma of one child or more

Jhilmil

Quest to live the life surrounded with the charming little bundle's of joy. When they speak, I sing, When they smile, I rejoice , When they hug, I hold them never to lose, Such is my passion for these Gifts of God.

This love urged me to navigate separately from my Travel Blog & establish an "All-In-One" Blog for budding mothers. Mum's have multi-tasked this world ,with all her professional commitments , she still makes an extra effort to be a loving, caring and be an intellectual mommy! Cheers, for me too come from the same fraternity, post having a superb academics & close to 8 years of professional experience and blessed with a little one "who has indeed changed my life from Autumn to Spring";)

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66 Comments

  1. I was just chatting to my friends the other day who have had their first baby. They are also facing this dilemma, they don’t know whether to have another one, but they’d like their first baby to have a sibling to play with 🙂

    1. Ha ha, im sure many couples will…but till now looking at my poll and comments I see that if you are financially strong, you should go with it and have atleast 2 kids

  2. You bring up some interesting thoughts but I think no matter how many you have 1 or more everything works itself out. I have 4. It never crossed my mind that they needed someone to play with it was a personal choice to have more then one. Then I got remarried and had 2 more. The expense part is true. You can pass down clothes to other kids but you still have to feed them, medical expenses, activities/events and other things. Good luck in your decision whether you adopt or have another.

    1. Thank you so much Rose, m glab your comment shall help me make a decision:)

  3. Honestly, I think it should be determined by what the parents can handle. I think there have been enough studies to prove that only children develop just fine as an only child. And as someone who has 3 kids–they will STILL tell me they’re bored and have no one to play with and want a friend to come over even though there are 3 of them!! lol! Seriously, just pray and talk about it, the answer will come to you in time! 🙂

    1. Interesting when people say that with 3kids they don’t have someone to play with..I guess it also depends of siblings age n tunings! So happy you shared your perspective..

  4. It must be a hard decision. I think it should be up to what the adults can handle financially. A lot of people get in deep water by not planning it out and going with their feelings instead of some planning. Either way, all the best!

    1. Yea, that’s what is crucial to me, planning finances!! Thanks for sharing your outlook

  5. Shell says:

    I never really thought about not having more than one… when our oldest was three we just felt ready to add to our family,,, we never discussed the pros and cons of raising a single child vs more.

    1. That’s great to know, I think when you feel ready is the best !!

  6. Interesting topic. This is obviously an important topic any family needs to consider. Thanks for weighing some opinions!

    Emma | Seeking the South

  7. Honestly I always wanted more than 1. I was sure for that. Infact I am a mom of two now. But, yes you have to plan in many ways.

    1. That’s great to know your views…how r you faring with 2kids as a parent?

  8. According to my opinion there should be atleast two kids. I also thought that one kid is enough for us and we will give her everything what she want. But as the years passed my daughter herself demands that she want someone to play with at her own house someone who is hers only. And we felt bad that we are not giving her that what she wants. So finally we decided to have one more kid. And then we realize the importance of having two kids. Now both are happy with each other and loves each other a lot.

    1. Wow, that was lovely n really inspired me!! Thanks Minakshi for sharing this

  9. Such an interesting read and great perspective on both. I personally don’t want any children but I loved growing up with a sister.

  10. Even though I am a single mum right now, and I don’t know if I will have another id or not.But right from beginning I was of the notion, that have one and give him/her the best.I mean just for sibling love , I would rather not press in for another child! And yes that is so true, that ultimately siblings do drift apart

    1. So you are in my zone;), but I see that my poll results are getting lot biased, many people has different thoughts. Shall share the poll results soon!

  11. Me and my Amore haven’t blessed yet with kid, however we’ve already agreed to have just one child. We are both practical, and having one is best fit for us.

  12. Going from one child to two (or two to three or more) is a dilemma couples wrestle with, sometimes for years. I guess although each situation is unique, the profound confusion surrounding the question of having more children is similar. Some people begin with a very practical approach and ask themselves questions like these: what will we give up in time, money, freedom etc. But, there’s more going on that affects choice…the emotional impulses secretly influence judgment !

    1. That’s true the emotional and practical part is common for all couples..

  13. I am probably struggling with the same dilemma I guess. I still cannot decide to start a family.

    1. Yea, that’s a difficult decision, I shall share the poll results soon, so guess it would help you too make some decision:)

  14. We have 4 kiddos and I wouldn’t change that for anything. I don’t think I ever had a question of having more than one child but I could see how others could.

    1. You have had a great journey, shall take inspiration from you!

  15. I always feel bad for people who are the only child. Having siblings is amazing for so many reasons and I think it helps develop one’s personality a lot (how you interact with others, selfish, etc)

    1. Yea, that’s what I felt , since I have also grown up in sibling environment! Thanks for your views.

  16. So… I went with the more…. I had 5. I wrote a blog on having a big family just this week. So that’s ironic!

    1. Oh that’s really interesting, shall read it for sure:)

  17. In my opinion adoption is better.

    1. Thanks Luci, M really happy to hear that!

  18. I am stacked on the question : have or not to have more children? Your post talks a lot to me as speaks about great points that I am considering right now. thanks!

    1. That’s great that you could sync, hope you make a good decision for your life!!

  19. We just had our second child. It’s every bit as hard and wonderful as you imagine it to be!

    1. Wow, congratulations for the baby!

  20. I’d love to have two kids! I think one child is too lonely. I’m open to adoption as well 🙂

    1. Great to know:)

  21. You are absolutely right that opinions varies for this topic, for me it will really depends on couples perspective, principle, goals and their situation. But I also believe that every child is a blessing, and there are a lot of couples out there.. including me, trying to have a child but wasn’t blessed yet ?

    1. Yea, I have 2 very close friends who have not been lucky on this ride..all I can say is, May you have a lil life hugging you tightly:). All the best

  22. I have two kids and is was the best thing for me. I think each person has to decide for themselves. If I was younger I would be open to adoption for sure.

    1. Great to know your point of view!! Thanks for helping me make a decision

  23. I grew up in a big family. I have 3 sister and 1 brother and my daughter got pregnant when she’s already at the age of 46. It’s very hard financially and most of the times we argue even on small things. Now that I have my own family, my husband and I agreed to have only 2 children. We both grew in a poor family so we wanted to give our child what we didn’t had before.

    1. That’s a great perspective set basis you want to give best to your 2kids!! Thanks for sharing your outlook!

  24. I’m not a mother but I love the idea of having two children. They’d have each other’s company as they grow, building a bond and creating inside jokes.

  25. Fatima says:

    This is such an interesting post. I just have one boy right now and he will be turning 3 in a few month’s time, so I need to take the decision of having another baby or not.

  26. I thought about this but I realized after I had another child that I love them so much and nothing would make me compare anything else to my love for them.

  27. I hope I don’t have this dilemma for a long time! To be honest, I’m not even sure if I want kids at all (although I know I want to foster). These are some important considerations!

    1. That’s indeed a difficult decis

    2. That’s indeed difficult decision to make!!

  28. Hitasha says:

    It was an interesting read. Infact, many of my friends are in the similar dilema whether to be happy with 1 kid or to think off another one.

  29. I have been a single child myself and now have a son only.. and I don’t think its difficult at all.. it completely depends on individual choices and how you bring up your child.. It can be a difficult decision for some.. but I guess both are good..everything has another side to it

    1. That’s correct – everything has two choices but you get confused when people surrounding you plan more with reasons that might convince you!!

  30. This is a really interesting topic, many couple think about their second child under social pressure but adoption is no doubt a better option. ?

  31. I really enjoyed having siblings growing up, so if I ever chose to have kids I’d definitely have more than one.

  32. I had originally just wanted…zero! I thought I’d never get married, or have children for that matter. I ended up with three. When we had the first, I vowed I’d never have one again. Well six years after the first, the second came, and boom a year later I had the third. It’s crazy where life goes. The thing is we can plan all we want, sometimes things just happen for a reason we don’t always understand.

    Maria | https://imommy.co

    1. Oh that was an inspiration;).. How plannings fail!! Lol, what do you feel now after having three?

      1. It’s definitely overwhelming sometimes but it’s great to know I have them. ?

        1. Wow gorgeous mama, love your spirit

    2. Oh, you are an inspiration then…how plannings got failed went strange!! How do you feel now after having 3 kids?

  33. Having 1 child or 2 is someone’s personal choice. I too have many friends who are childless, happy and enjoying their life fullest!

  34. We didn’t plan for any of our four kids and have LOVED every moment of it!

  35. We have two children. After our first child was born we were asked when we were going to have a second. After our second arrived we were constantly asked about a third. It actually annoyed me as everyone seems to have an opinion and it really isn’t the business of anyone else other than the couple involved.

  36. Well second child is a tricky decision. I am a mother of 2.5 yr old and now when people talk about having another child, I don’t know what to say.

  37. it is tricky, but you are lucky if you have this dilemma.

  38. Catvills says:

    My parents did a lot of planning. They had a child every 4 years. That gave them ample time to focus on the newborn before another child came along. I have three kids of my own and I would not have it anyother way. Yes, it is difficult financially, especially when all of them were in college at the same time. I always look to it as blessings. God entrusted me to nurture and raise three human beings to be responsible, loving, kind and charitable adults. I am almost there. 🙂

  39. it’s one topic which has multiple veiws but i know that i want one kid and there never a guarantee that both children be close to each other sibling rivalry is a huge issue too…

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